Guide To Effective Swearing.

By Sterling Johnson.

another lesson:

A shapely young woman walks by a construction site while the workers are taking their lunch break. She is wearing a tight red miniskirt. her hips sway hypnotically as she passes. one man eyes her intently, then turns to a co-worker and says:

a) wow! look at the sternum on that babe!
b) gee ! that gal is built like a brick c**ksucker!
c) nice ass

(that is all)


p.s. Dyler, you rock with your bad English self ...

Swearing at Work

 It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.

TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a fuck.

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This fucking shit won't work.

TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his fucking head up his ass.

TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Listen fuckface.

TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my fuck'n ass.

TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on a salary.

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: More fucking shit to do.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING: I see.
INSTEAD OF: Blow me.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.



i´ve been riding this babe here yesterday ...

The question of today:

Jim is having a 4th of July party at his house. About 2 am a neighbour shows up at his door and complains about the loud music and noisy fireworks. He is smaller than Jim, and Jim notices that he isn´t armed.

Jim says to him:

a. Talk to me in stilted fucking lingo.
b. Take a fucking lug-wrench to your flag staff.
c. Take a flying lip-lock on my f**k stick.

No. Talk to me in stilted fucking lingo.