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Friend in trouble

FlowerDancerL - 10-6-2004 at 11:32 PM

I know this is supposed to be a robot forum, but I have a universal ethical question. My girlfriend from highschool came to me for help, she's 15 and pregnant. I went to my mom. She said she'll take her to the clinic and pay for an abortion if that's what my friend wants. My mom won't tell her parents, and my friend is too scared to tell her parents. And of course my mom will give her the big condoms/stds/aids lecture.
Is this the right thing to do ? I spent the last school year with my grandma cuz my mom's fiance killed himself on our sofa and I didn't want to be there. My mom is a little crazy. In my heart I think it's right -my mom helping my friend and not telling her parents. But at my grandma's house I had to go to church a few times a week and they would say that we had to tell our parents about any conflict we were experiencing. (I actually don't know that churches' position on abortion.) I know my mom will eventually see this post. That's not an issue. My question is: To all the spiritual, neutral, open minded, intelligent robot peple out there - what should my friend do ? 15, scared, pregnant, my mom will pay for the abortion - what's right????

Sorry to be so HEAVY for a happy site. Just let me know your thoughts. My mom's taking us to the clinic on Fridday.

7cut - 10-6-2004 at 11:38 PM

difficult issue ...but if she can´t take care of the baby and would neglect it, it might be the best ..presupposed it´s done asap. -don´t get me wrong, i´m not pro-abortion but under the circumstances....

FlowerDancerL - 10-7-2004 at 12:00 AM

7cut - U R the BEST. so I guess my mom is right - let's support my friend inwhatever her decision is.

This stuff is way too headtrippy for me - when are you gonna visit? come in '05 not '06 , German Girl!

7cut - 10-7-2004 at 12:21 AM

i need the time and the cash ....

if i can make it next year it will be late autumn or winter though.
that´s the earliest date possible. unfortunately.

seacaptain - 10-7-2004 at 05:24 AM

Since she is a minor, she may have to have parental consent to get an abortion.

Otherwise, it sounds to me like you and your mom are being good supportive friends. Nothing unethical about that.

Oh wait, you're in California. No requirement of parental consent there for a minor.

[Edited on 7-10-2004 by seacaptain]

batcave_baby - 10-7-2004 at 10:04 AM

I had a baby at 16, and even though I was still with his dad for 10 years afterward, and he's always very responsible and involved and everything, it was/is fucking difficult.

I honestly would recommend that if she's not absultely positive that the father will be financially responsible, and totally involved in the childs daily life that she have an abortion.

It's practicaly impossible to be a good parent, work to support your child, and get an education at the same time. Having so much responsibility at a young age and missing out on so many things can make you bitter and resentful, too.

I'm not insensitive, and I'm not saying that it (abortion) would be an easy thing to do, but given the circumstances, she might be sparing her child and herself a miserable existence. I'm also not jaded about having kids or anything, as I'm 5 months pregnant right now.

FlowersMom - 10-7-2004 at 10:12 AM

Congratulations, Batcave Baby! You and Corinne (Justin's wife) will be popping one out about the same time.
Thanks for the post. I think Flower and I are doing the right thing and I'm glad the girls felt comfortable enough to ask me for help.

envelope - 10-7-2004 at 10:46 AM

The religious aspect would be to tell her parents. When my brother was that age he got a girl pregnant and didn't tell my parents. He felt so guilty that he isolated himself from them fearing they might find out. He didn't tell them until he was 18 and moving out. What happened to the baby? the girl was asian and her parents did not approve of their relationship so they forbid him to see her and moved back to their country and he has never seen his child, heard it's first words, felt it kick or saw it walk. He knows it's name and that is all. Poor girl she must be scared to death... She is going to go through a lot of emotional strain so make sure you guys will be there for her at all times if she goes through with Abortion or not. Maybe her parents will be sad at first but maybe they will be able to help her out at the same time. Sorry this is so long.

Neuwave - 10-7-2004 at 11:57 AM

Quote:

Sorry to be so HEAVY for a happy site

what site is that? :lol:

Quote:

Oh wait, you're in California. No requirement of parental consent there for a minor

Thank goodness for that. This happened to me @ 17(more than once, but not due to negligence another girlfriend may have been a lil unfaithful, but I didn't make a big deal out of it. she needed support, and I was there). Me & my girlfriend went to have it done ourselves. Very eye-opening experience for a teenage boy. May be a good lesson to include him in on the trip. First we had to brave some "pro-lifers" at the front door, then I waited in the waiting room watching TV while contemplating what the hell was going on. I look back now, and think so sorry for putting her through that. :no:

Wish you the best, and Flowermom is very cool to help you out with this very important decision.

[Edited on 7-10-2004 by Neuwave]

TurtleEnterprises - 10-7-2004 at 04:03 PM

If your friend is like most girls that age who get pregnant and have abortions by the time shes like 18/19 shell be pregnant again. I know it sounds mean but every girl i know that has gone through this situation gets pregnant asap to try to replace the first kid. That is such a young age, so right now i think its the best thing to do, just as long as she learns her lesson and doesnt make the same mistake twice. If i was in her situation I would definetly tell my parents, but i guess that's just me and i have a super cool mom.
ps. Congrats batcave on the new baby

My bestfriend is about 5 months pregnant too. Babies are super cute but not for me at least not any time soon.

Seb - 10-7-2004 at 06:39 PM

It’s good your friend had someone to go talk to about this and can help her. I don’t think anyone can say what’s right or wrong except for her and I certainly would not tell her parents, its up to her (no matter what you were told in church). Does her bf know she is pregnant? Does she think he should have a say in this matter? As turtle mentioned, statistically she will most like get pregnant again by the age of 20.

envelope - 10-8-2004 at 10:27 AM

My friend has the stereotypical asian mom who has the accent and everything... Anyway she is super strict and My friend thought she was pregnant. She did not tell her parents for a while and then she told her mom and her mom was supportive and talk to the guys mother (embarresen I know) but they took care of it and she knew her daughter was going to continue to have sex so she put her on birth control which was against her religion but she did it for her daughter. Well whatever happens I hope the result is well. Ciao!

Neuwave - 10-8-2004 at 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by envelope
My friend has the stereotypical asian mom who has the accent and everything... Anyway she is super strict and My friend thought she was pregnant. She did not tell her parents for a while and then she told her mom and her mom was supportive and talk to the guys mother (embarresen I know) but they took care of it and she knew her daughter was going to continue to have sex so she put her on birth control which was against her religion but she did it for her daughter. Well whatever happens I hope the result is well. Ciao!

Wow!:wow:

There IS hope for change. I'm no authority on Asian culture, but I know they are very traditional, and for her mom to evolve in that way amazes me. I think that is great.

Now if we can only get Texas to evolve. :lol:

FlowerDancerL - 10-8-2004 at 09:11 PM

Thank you Neuwave. It turns out we have to wait a couple of weeks to act. I appreciated your idea to have the guy involved. He said he couldn't go tommorrow because of football practice (dumb excuse) But I'm hoping he'll come around for my friend's sake. My friend has no money but she is trying to contribute - my mom said don't worry about it - pay her back later, only if she can. Did you help out financially in your situation. The most important thing is you were there emotionally. I like you - thanks for your support and wise words.

Phobiac - 10-9-2004 at 06:35 AM

Hey Flower DancerL;

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

My two cents would be to do what you are doing now, totally supportive in the decisions your friend is trying to make.

As I have never gone through this and can't use experience as a guide I would suggest you get your friend to speak to someone at Planned Parenthood. I'm sure they will offer more support and be able to counsel your friend through the most appropriate decision for her and her life goals.

It's not just a decision of the "now", but what does she want from her life in the future?

Phobiac

Oh gee

bananaboat - 10-9-2004 at 11:52 AM

That's so tough to be going through that at 15. I don't know, I've grown up in a Christian background and I've been taught that God views life as precious, especially the life of an embryo out of wedlock. I think abortion isn't such a good idea, it could have long term emotional effects. I remember this conversation my mom had with her friend, and she was talking about this lady she knew that had to abort her baby because her husband left her and she did not make enough to support one, and when she was going through the process, she felt like the baby was crying in pain, she felt in in her heart. She was so depressed after.
Yea, what's your girlfriends background, are her parents loving? I think she should tell her parents. Her parents will be upset and disappointed, but I'm sure they'd still love her, and help and support her. That's just my opinion.

FlowerDancerL - 10-14-2004 at 10:38 PM

Umm, this is even harder than ever. It's not my "friend", it's me - and I just had the courage to tell my mom tonight. She was so understanding - and cool. And I'm still scared to death because when I went to the clinic they did a test and took an ultrasound or something and told me it was an ectopic pregnancy and I had to be monitored and probably have surgery, or die if the embryo caused the fallopian tube or ovary to burst! I GUESS THIS EXPLAINS MY EMOTIONAL OUTBURST LAST WEEKEND. Anyway, thanks for the good advice everybody. I'm going to get through this ( I 'm glad my mommy is here for me!) Then I have to come back just to send a post to Poobs! (for ww4 sake!) Give me a couple weeks and I'll annoy you then!!

poobs - 10-15-2004 at 12:53 AM

You're so full of shit it's not even funny.. :rolleyes:

MichelleRene - 10-15-2004 at 07:30 AM

:o:o:wow::wow::wow: :lol:

JunoRedneck - 10-15-2004 at 07:37 AM

Ya, you guys. I'm really sorry if I was moody too, because I have an alien dwelling in my stomach and that makes me kinda pissy. They took an x-ray of my stomach and they could totally see it there. It's probably gonna bust out of my chest sometime soon and kill me. So I'm gonna post a lot today before I, you know, die. So, I guess that explains why I got mad at FlowerDancer. Problem solved. Now I have to go deal with this robot that looks like a hobbit before he tries to kill me with a magazine...

EvilMotivator - 10-15-2004 at 09:18 AM

Ha ha. Juno, you're hilarious. It should be at least a little bit funny to hear her response to this.

poobs - 10-15-2004 at 09:20 AM

I wonder if she'll have another EMOTIONAL OUTBURST!! :o

TurtleEnterprises - 10-15-2004 at 09:32 AM

But doesnt her mom get on here? Which makes no sense. Wouldnt she see this thread? And think what is my child talking about there is no such friend......? This story is all fucked. Juno you made me laugh so hard.
I really wish she hadnt come here with all her crap. I wish i had super powers too sometimes.

MichelleRene - 10-15-2004 at 11:20 AM

:yes:

I have super powers Turtle! :yes:

I forgot to tell you all I'm from the planet Zorkon, have a 9" tail and 3 boobs! Yes, I know it's all so surprising. Well....yeah, this paint has caught me a buzz I see. :ticking: :yes:

EvilMotivator - 10-15-2004 at 11:35 AM

Whoever suggested that theory about she and her mom being the same person, you're right. There's no other explanation.

Neuwave - 10-15-2004 at 12:30 PM

Quote:

You're so full of shit it's not even funny..

Quote:

Whoever suggested that theory about she and her mom being the same person, you're right. There's no other explanation.

If you guys are wrong, this girl should be shivering in an alley smokin' crack by now the way you guys ripped into her at such a fragile time. :lol:

I dunno. I hope I'm wrong.

Quote:

Did you help out financially in your situation

Yeah luckily I was a responsible teen, and had a job, but it did postpone that Lance Mountain skateboard I had my eye on. :lol:

So kidding. I keed...I keeed...:D

I also think there was some form of financial assistance too. Not sure if that's still the case now.

JunoRedneck - 10-15-2004 at 12:47 PM

Judging by her posts, I assume she already is a crackhead. :lol:

Someone should tell her it's not good to smoke crack when you're pregnant.

[Edited on 10/15/2004 by JunoRedneck]

poobs - 10-15-2004 at 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by JunoRedneck
Judging by her posts, I assume she already is a crackhead. :lol:

Someone should tell her it's not good to smoke crack when you're pregnant.

[Edited on 10/15/2004 by JunoRedneck]

EvilMotivator - 10-15-2004 at 02:58 PM

:lol:

JunoRedneck - 10-15-2004 at 06:12 PM

Well, it's true...

FlowerDancerL - 10-15-2004 at 07:41 PM

Hey - some of you guys suck - it's really true - - - whatever. There is some medication - it starts with an M... - it's supposed to stop the cells from dividing so quickly and kill the embryo. Hope it works - I don't want surgery. Yeah, my mom will likely read this eventually, but she's been too busy working lately to go on line and post and shit. Whatever.

JunoRedneck - 10-15-2004 at 08:40 PM

If it is true, like you say it is, why do you reveal so much about your personal problems to complete strangers, some of whom that have proven they don't really care for you, when you could tell maybe someone more appropriate. Like a friend or a therapist. No offense, but either way I think you should see a therapist. Because you either are having these problems and need someone to talk to you and help you through it. Or you made it all up and that's not a normal thing to do. And would fall under that kind of compulsive liar kind of thing. So not to be mean, but I would seek help with a shrink rather than fans of a band you're currently into. You also shouldn't get mad when people assume it's a joke. Because most people don't post stuff like that on band forums. And most assume if that problem WAS real they wouldn't post about it on here.

EvilMotivator - 10-15-2004 at 11:00 PM

damn straight, biatch.

prettyvacant - 10-15-2004 at 11:40 PM

argh, this is difficult. your problem sucks but juno does have a point. why come on a forum and tell us, a load of complete strangers. we could all be 70 year old scaries and you don't know about it.
its tricky tho, you just need to think about what you want to do properly. the guy has a responsibility to you and the baby and he needs to accept that responsibility. its difficult cos i'm trying to be neutral in all this, i don't think you're lying, just odd to post about it on an internet forum.

[Edited on 16-10-2004 by prettyvacant]

poobs - 10-16-2004 at 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by prettyvacant
argh, this is difficult.

No it isn't..She's lying..And if she's not lying, she needs to take Juno's advice and get some professional help..Or even some friends! A bunch of strangers on a message board don't need to hear about her wanting an abortion or lying to her mom or her prego problems.. :rolleyes:

I may come off as being insensitive, but I WAS in this position..I got prego young, and I sure as hell wasn't talking about it with any strangers..

prettyvacant - 10-16-2004 at 11:41 AM

poobs, you have a point!!! gnar, why poobs WHY??!!!??!!

poobs - 10-16-2004 at 03:13 PM

Don't know..Don't care..:D