A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get your ass in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The horrified mother went in & told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for traveling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please direct your complaints to the fat bitch in the kitchen."

What a bad ass kid!

A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their
bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old, "I
think it's about time we start cursing."

The 4-year-old nods his head in approval.

The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for
breakfast I'm going to say 'hell' and you say 'ass.'"

"OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks
the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast.

"Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the
kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his
eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his
rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and
shouts, "You can just stay there till I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at
the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what
do YOU want for breakfast young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your
fat ass it won't be Cheerios."

hahaha. That's awesome.

hehe i love these long-story-jokes :D

Kids cursing is always good for a laugh or two..

Post more you bastards thanx :D

Does it have to be on the same topic?

Little Daisy comes home from school and says to her Mum "Little Tommy showed me his willy today and it was like a peanut".
"You mean small ?"asks her Mum.
"No salty"replies Daisy.

awe that was just wrong. . . . the other, I got a good laugh out of though

Typical dirty English humor..:P

A City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little
girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

"Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a
safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector
light on the back of it."

The young girl looked up at the cop and said,

"Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.

The little girl looked up at the cop and said,

"Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."

Random selection of dirty jokes:

What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his teeth?

Gladiator


An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks for old times sake. He hires a prostitute, takes her up to a room and goes at it as best as he can for a guy his age. After a couple of minutes he asks, "How am I doing?"

The prostitute replies, "Well sailor, you're doing about three knots."

"Three Knots?" He asks. "What's that supposed to mean?"

She says, "you're knot hard, you're knot in and you're knot getting your money back."


widow had three daughters, whom she got married together. When the daughters were being sent with their husband, Mother told each of her three daughters to write to her about their married life.

On the third day, the mother received a one sentence letter from her elder daughter, which read "Maxwell Coffee". Mother could not understand. When she scanned a magazine, she found the Ad for Maxwell Coffee which said "Satisfaction to the last drop". Mother was happy.

On the Sixth day, the mother received another one sentence letter from her second daughter which read "Rothmans". Having experienced with such messages, the mother found the Ad which read "Life Size, King Size. The mother was happy too.

The mother did not get any letters from her third and pet daughter for almost six weeks. After six tense weeks, she receives an identical one sentence letter which read "British Airways". The mother saw the Ad in a magazine and fainted as it read "Four times a day, seven times a week and both ways".

funny. I also like the one about the cop and the little girl. I have an old people joke, but it's too long to type.

I thought there was a kid joke theme to this thread..

There all jokes Poobs. Plus the title doesn't say kid jokes.

[Edited on 20-4-2005 by corkey16]

She never said it was in the title. She said the theme was kid jokes, which it is. Well, it was.

So it's not just a kid joke like I said.

How cool!!

oh man, I like this thread, it makes me laugh keep em comin'. . . . .

There was once a little pony, and it had a pet girl. Well, one day the girl escaped her cage, and the pony was NOT happy about this. So, the pony... I got nothin.

heh, it was good until you just cut it off. . . . I'll take it from here. . .


so one day the girl escapes her cage. and the pony is like wtf what am i going to do now, i have nothing to ride to work. . . . well that just sounded wrong. . . . .someone elses turn. . . .

Quote:

Originally posted by corkey16 There all jokes Poobs. Plus the title doesn't say kid jokes.

Actually the title doesn't say anything about jokes anyways..Evil posted a joke that was funny and others decided to post some jokes that were similar..So it seems that, unintentionally, Evil started a kid-themed joke thread..But it's now ruined..So carry on..

Quote:

Originally posted by minimandy14 heh, it was good until you just cut it off. . . . I'll take it from here. . . so one day the girl escapes her cage. and the pony is like wtf what am i going to do now, i have nothing to ride to work. . . . well that just sounded wrong. . . . .someone elses turn. . . .

so the girl shoots the pony. get it?

yea. . . . . and the pony is like OMG why did you shoot me. and then girl is like wtf your a pony you can't talk.